CALLI: HEALING IS NOT LINEAR

Taking place between the battle with Lady Andaisin and Taylan’s wedding.

The plague days had tumbled like an avalanche, increasingly more dangerous as they fell, leaving destruction and devastation in their wake. The sudden cessation of immediate peril left Calliandra's head spinning in the aftermath. Much of the town immediately acted as if it was all over, and began celebrating the return to the status-quo.

But there was clean-up to attend to. People to mourn. Refugees to rehome, women still missing, an island still cut off, a dragon on the hunt, and a nefarious plot slipped through their fingers to scheme again. She cursed the bloodlust that had lead her good-hearted barbarian to killing Lamm the younger before she could rip his wicked memories from his twisted brain. His death had been a relief too short-lived when she realised he took puzzle pieces with him to the hells.

She tried desperately to keep as busy as possible. Finessing the surviving Carowyn, assisting mansion clean-up, Penelope's funeral.

Standing at the funeral service with those who had cared for her family maid, her friend, she had a horrible fright where she thought she'd seen Penelope open her eyes. Cloudy and unfocused, they stared unseeing directly at her. Calli's hands had flown up to prepare a spell, but Nightingale had been faster. Her shadow, always one step ahead, had snatched her hands in his and held her close as if she'd simply been devolving into tears and needed comforting. The panic subsided, and cry she did.

Every time she stood still too long and closed her eyes she saw The Princess' Bacchanal. Animated corpses wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling. She couldn't get the sickly sweet rot smell of death out of her nose, though she had used cantrips, baths, and perfumes in abundance.

Calli leaned heavily into magic to ensure she looked her best, smiled her brightest, at the Queen's ceremony. She was unable to get a moment to speak to Queen Illeosa or her devoted hound Sabina Merrin, who never prowelled more than a few paces away. Watching the stern women, she knew there was more there. She was familiar with the way bodyguards and nobility developed their bonds, and this wasn't simply a soldier taking their job seriously. This was something deeper, more posessive. She thought of her Gale, and the tragedy that cemented their relationship, and came up with a dozen potential scenarios, but without an immediate way to test her theories she had to resign herself to distracting herself elsewhere.

The feast at Trail's End was a blessing. She sang every joyous song she knew, drank more than she should, and was delighted to find Byron in a dancing mood. She laughed as she spun, making sure to make physical contact in some way with every survivor she knew. Grasped hands, gripped shoulders and elbows, hugs for those closest, and dancing with anyone she could coerce to the floor. Even Nightingale took a turn with her, laughing when she drunkenly stumbled a bit but never letting her fall. Like always. Only Shiv avoided her attempts, contented to enjoy his drinking without the comraderie. It couldn't bring her down that night. They were alive. Taylan proposed to Alice, who accepted, and then the party really took off. She lost count how many times she was able to dance with the Bear, and as she fell asleep that night was able to get a few hours where her dreams were of him instead of horrors.

She slept in late the morning after in her own soft bed at Eudicot Manor, and would've happily remained there 'till the afternoon, except her mother had sent Gale to rouse her. Calliandra grumbled as the curtains were opened, but opened one groggy eye when Nightingale set a tray of eggs and fruit in front of her. There was a great deal of gear to move for the Flowers, and her mother had more questions before she would agree to sort it. It was just as well, Calli wanted to start planning with Mumsy how they were going to break the news to her father that she was a secret adventurer.

While the loot was fresh on her mind, she arranged a tea with her closest friends to catch up. She asked Oriel and Nif to turn up hours before Daesha, the latter being still unaware of her duality. She wanted a chance to describe the unique pieces The Flowers had been gifted to see if the material girl or clever cogs knew anything about them. They promised to do some sleuthing, and Calli used her new Eagle Harp to summon the small lyrakien Rune and introduce them. The tiny fey-like creature was beautiful, with humanoid features, pointed ears longer than Calli's own, and a large pair of gossamer butterfly wings. They all fussed over her beauty and asked a number of questions as they shared their tea and cakes with the being. Rune wasn't able to provide much information about the instrument, as she'd only recently gotten attached to it, but was happy to ramble a bit about her own life and the goddess Desna.

They were all disapointed when the time came for Daesha to join them, but they had agreed with Daesha's father being the leader of Sable Company it could put her in a difficult position. With The Queen trying to disband the Sables, (and The Flowers covertly investigating The Queen, which Calli kept to herself) there was a risk her identity in the wrong hands could be used as leveridge. Calli liked to believe Daesha would never, but she knew the web of nobility and filial loyalty ensnared many. Rune disappeared back to wherever it was she goes, and they all made sure not to let the late-comer sense their subterfuge.

Daesha surprised them all by wanting to talk about The Flowers of Korvosa, who seemed to be all the buzz at the moment. The sweet young lady was pleased to have had three of the group at her sister's birthday, and was wondering if she could convince her father to hire the lot of them for her own party later in the year. She hoped they might be able to put in a good word to the queen. Daesha had asked Calliandra if it would be possible to talk to Nightingale for her, and then asked where her bodyguard was at that moment, was he off saving the town again? Oriel saved Calli the trouble of redirecting the conversation, but not before michieviously asking everyone who they fancied the most out of The Flowers. Nif and Oriel grinned conspiratorially, which let Calli know Nif had filled her in on Calli's crush. Nif cooly reminded Oriel they were not the "fancying" sort, Oriel thought Taylan was cute in a scruffy way, Daesha admitted she'd always had a bit of a thing for Gale, and that scandalized the lot of them enough for the conversation to move on before Calli had to answer.

That evening she met back up with her shadow and asked him if they could have a night in, for old time's sake. The little bit of normalty with her friends had made her miss him. Nightingale bowed, he was ever at her service. It was strange. She'd spent years trying to get away from his watchful eye, and while her sudden freedom had been liberating and educational, she had felt like a part of her was missing. His presence was comforting in a way she couldn't quite explain, and unlike anyone else. The best she could do was that if she ran and fell, her father would chide her for being so uncouth as he expects better of her. Her mother would dust her off and check her wounds. Nightingale would figure out why she fell, and teach her how to avoid it happening again.

They spent the evening in the game room, playing card games and talking of nothing important to begin with. Safe in Eudicot manor she was in her coziest pajamas, sans hairpin. Gale had hung his coat, removed his cravat, and undone his top buttons, which for him was what passed as casual. She faltered through the rounds, missing tricks he set up for her intentionally to test her focus. Eventually he softtly asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

In spite of it being an abrupt change of conversation she knew what he was asking, and she was only surprised he’d waited so long. There was likely no one who knew her as well as he did. She started with hesitation, trying to find the right words, "The nightmares have been... a lot. I know we’ve been doing the right thing, but I still feel bad for some of those we’ve had to… stop. So many people whose stories we never learned. What would turn people to cause monstrosities like that? To revel in the pain of others? What the hells was that bacchanal?!” The words were spilling from her now. “Something like that would’nt have been quick. That took time. It took planning. That disgusting display under the city’s feet for who knows how long? What other horrors are around us at any given moment that we don’t know about? There are people sleeping in that building with the green dragon and they have no idea! I feel like we set out to right one wrong and find three more behind it. So many are dead. I’m trying to get on with things but I keep wondering what we could have done different. I’m seeing phantoms everywhere. How… how do you move on?" Her knuckles were pale from her grip on her cards.

Nightingale had suspected she might be having some trouble with their last adventure, but not how far it had spiraled. Reaching across the table he rested one of his hands over hers. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I wish I had a potion to ease it all for you. Losing Rose…” He had to clear his throat. “It’s never gone away. I can’t even say it gets easier. It just gets different. You can't focus on what's lost, you just have to focus on how much you’ve helped. And make no mistake, you’ve made a difference. The Flowers may have had to put down some rabid dogs, but we’ve saved countless more. That vile priestess had laid waste to whole cities before, remember? But Korvossa stands, and she doesn’t. We did that.”

“Does that help you?”

“It's helping me, now. The things I'm doing is making things better. Hopefully people like us, doing things like this, means others won't have to suffer the same.” He referred to his nocturnal jaunts as much as their group activity, but this didn’t feel like the right moment to come clean. “But figuring out how to deal with this survivor’s burden is deeply personal, it doesn’t look the same for everyone. You’ll have to find out how to get through it on your own, to a degree. I know that doesn't really help right now. Some of my friends who'd struggled with it suggested focusing on living in the moment, finding what joy there still was in the world, as a good reason to keep going, keep up the good fight.” He left unsaid that protecting Calliandra had been his reason. She knew.

Hoping to elicit a smile he took his hand back and played his next card. “Speaking of a good fight, how IS it going with Byron? I see he’s moved on to dancing now?”

She remembered dancing with the tall man at the feast and the corners of her mouth crept upwards. “He’s better at it than I expected.”

"Do I need to have the talk with him, yet?"

She immediately looked at him scandalized, and spluttered, "THE talk? What talk?! He's a grown man, he worked in a brothel! I'm sure he knows how..." She waved a hand in the air trying to find a graceful way to end the sentence, before giving up entirely. Without her hairpin, her blush was fully evident.

"I suppose so. I only meant that with a younger suitor I'd sit them down to have a conversation about hurting you. That's a father's perog-" Now it was his turn to give up a sentence without a good way to end it. The two sat in awkward silence for a few moments, processing what had been said.

His concern and vulnerability seeped in past the cage of panic she’d been holding in her chest since the underground battle. Quieter, calmer, she broke the silence. "I promise to let you know if I need you to run interference, but I'm having fun figuring that man out myself. It’s okay to let me get hurt a little, if that’s what’s going to happen. It’ll feed my art. … please don’t scare him off!"

"Just remember I'm always here. But I’m also glad you're finding others who care about your safety as much as I do.” He playfully added, “You know to start with I suspected young master Taylan might've had a chance, but I'm glad to be proved wrong." He took a sip of his tea.

She raised an eyebrow as she considered her peer, and then played a card that won her the round. "He has a certain naive charm, but no muscle."

Nightingale choked on his drink.

Laying in bed that night she turned it all over in her head again and again. She was so proud of all the party had achieved, and there was already more on their plate. Sure, maybe her city had layers of secret monsters and class divisions she was previously unaware of, but at least knowing about them meant she could do something about them. Quitting was never a consideration. And if nightmares are just something she had now, well, it’s a small price to pay. She needed to be at her best. So she needed to sleep. And then she needed to lighten up. She’d just keep faking it til she made it. Come morning she’d find Alice and take her dress shopping for the wedding. It was a start.